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Today’s story starts when I was about two years old; Thanksgiving 1974. My grandmother, Peggy, I called her Nana, my aunt Mimi and my mom were making Thanksgiving dinner while enjoying a few cocktails in the upstairs den. My mom went down to check on the turkey. She called for my aunt and then my grandmother went down. I was sitting up on the couch. They left behind two highball cocktails on a table. I drank both of them. A few minutes later they realize, “Wait! Tony's up there”. They came up to find me and I was passed out.

That was my first experience with alcohol. Some years later, while at high school, the idea of getting a novelty ID….. okay… a fake ID was something some of us considered. I lived in Santa Cruz. We went to market street in San Francisco. For around $10 you could pick out a novelty ID. I found this really cool Colorado ID but I needed to choose a name. I selected Al K Holick and then my fake ID was laminated.

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Don’t leave before the miracle happens.


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Some people can drink alcohol, a normal person and not feel a thing. That’s not me. If I drank alcohol, I would get sick really quick. No matter where I was I wanted to get home, as soon as I could. I was not a good drunk, but I didn’t see at the time what was happening. Hindsight's 2020.

It took me many years to finally realize I've had a problem with alcohol all my life. It's poison in my body. When I reflect on all of these instances in my life, I can never say that I had a great time drinking. Yet, I always wanted more. But every time I put more in my body, I just got sick. It was a cycle. I also know that shows up in other areas of my life, more on that in another episode.

The reason why I said “hindsight is 2020” is because it took me until December 15th, 2008 to admit I was an alcoholic. When I talked to my wife about the realization she said, “In the time I’ve known you I’ve only seen you drunk like four times.” But the problem was I didn't drink around her or other people. I would drink by myself. It was the isolation, the hiding, etc that gave me one of the biggest clues that I had a problem.

Ethan and Owen, as I'm rolling out this series, it's to give a gift to you guys so that you will know in our family line, on my father's side, there is a line of alcoholics. I know that they don't necessarily say it's in the genes, but I can tell you I have a problem with drinking. Be aware of it when you go through life. If you question, if you have an issue with drinking, just take it from your dad…There's nothing wrong in quitting.

Quitting alcohol was actually one of the best things that I ever did. I was able to repair my marriage so that you could grow up in a household with your mom and your dad. I've been able to stay sober. Since the day I walked into the AA room, I've been able to help a ton of people who have had issues and questions around drinking. I've been able to be a resource for others. I know deep down inside. It's okay to want to have a drink. The problem is for me, I can't… take that drink.

Not saying that you or anyone reading this will be the same as I am, but it's okay to be mindful and aware. If you have doubts, it's okay. If you have questions, ask. You're not alone. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. I love you. I'm proud of you. Keep doing awesome things.

I don’t miss alcohol. My life is amazing. Many gifts have been given to me. There's a saying in the rooms, its “don't leave before the miracle happens”. I don't want to leave. I work as a sponsor. I have an amazing sponsor. I've had incredible people help me. The gifts in my life keep coming with a clear head. 

Here are three takeaways:

1. Be aware of what those who came before you struggled with.
2. Don’t leave before the miracle happens.
3. If you have doubts, ask questions.

As you wrap up this lesson, take some deep breaths. Meditate through the moment. Know that everything will be okay. Being a father taught me that you gotta be present in each moment. You can't get any of them back. So until next time, no matter where you go, no matter what you do… choose to make this moment matter more than any moment. Regardless of how far you've come and regardless of how far you're gonna go, this moment matters most. Pick up the phone and call somebody today. Tell them you love them.

Until next time, make today the absolute best day of your life.

Thanks for listening to today's show. Before you go, let me ask you a question. How would you like to be the architect of your journey in this game? We call life. Take the next step. Head to the free Be Fulfilled Course to get the first week of the Be Fulfilled Journal for free. It'll give you more clarity and freedom in your day, and it might just change your life forever.